I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
