remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
