I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
