That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
