so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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