I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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