oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
