dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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