Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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