Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
