im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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