there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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