I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
