I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
