So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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