can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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