i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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