Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
