i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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