it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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