fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
