I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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