I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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