Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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