Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
