I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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