Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were destined to go to rehab together
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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