Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
