i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
