sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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