honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
