Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
zippers are such a cool invention
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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