i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
