i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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