That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
