his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
