i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
