The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
