I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
