please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
