youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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