you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
