I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
