I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
