I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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