I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm at about main and main street
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
