Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
