Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize