your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
