He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
