You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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