Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
