I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
