when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
