just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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