So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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