first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
