We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
