It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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