I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
