Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
