sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
