I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
