there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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