i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
