Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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