Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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