I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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