So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
