She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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