Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
