I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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