You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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