i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
