Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
