dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
