I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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