brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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