Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
